Yesterday was the worse day of my life. We went to the RE and there was no heartbeat. WHAT?????? How could that be???? Last week they said you have a strong baby and this week nothing?? WTF??? I am so angry, confused, devastated. This has been a long journey and this has been the happiest 9 1/2 weeks of my life. We worked so hard for this pregnancy and in the blink of an eye it is over. I could not lay there and watch the ultrasound screen and see my baby there with no life left. All I remember hearing was I am so sorry, your baby is not viable. There is no heartbeat. Why me? What do I do know? I had to make the decision to have a DNC or wait a few weeks for it to happen on its own. I can't wait for that. I am scheduled for a DNC on Friday at 1:00.
So now what? I can't stop the hurt, the crying or the pain of knowing this child is in heaven now. I want the baby here with us, still growing inside of me. Maybe that is selfish, but I want my baby. I know things happen for a reason, but that does not make it easier. How do Clay and I go on with life knowing we lost our baby? I have never experienced this type of pain before. How do you go on like everything is ok? I can't pretend it is ok. I am so emotionally tired of this journey and I feel so helpless. God, please give Clay and I the strength to go on and show us the direction we need to go in. We need it now more than ever.
We are now parents to a very special angel. We miss you and hold you very close to our hearts. Help us go on Baby Kruse.
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