Our Angel

If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right
up to Heaven
And bring you back again.....
No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone
before we knew it
And only God knows why......
Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know.....

RIP Baby Kruse

Yesterday was the worse day of my life. We went to the RE and there was no heartbeat. WHAT?????? How could that be???? Last week they said you have a strong baby and this week nothing?? WTF??? I am so angry, confused, devastated. This has been a long journey and this has been the happiest 9 1/2 weeks of my life. We worked so hard for this pregnancy and in the blink of an eye it is over. I could not lay there and watch the ultrasound screen and see my baby there with no life left. All I remember hearing was I am so sorry, your baby is not viable. There is no heartbeat. Why me? What do I do know? I had to make the decision to have a DNC or wait a few weeks for it to happen on its own. I can't wait for that. I am scheduled for a DNC on Friday at 1:00.

So now what? I can't stop the hurt, the crying or the pain of knowing this child is in heaven now. I want the baby here with us, still growing inside of me. Maybe that is selfish, but I want my baby. I know things happen for a reason, but that does not make it easier. How do Clay and I go on with life knowing we lost our baby? I have never experienced this type of pain before. How do you go on like everything is ok? I can't pretend it is ok. I am so emotionally tired of this journey and I feel so helpless. God, please give Clay and I the strength to go on and show us the direction we need to go in. We need it now more than ever.

We are now parents to a very special angel. We miss you and hold you very close to our hearts. Help us go on Baby Kruse.

We saw the heart beating

It was so amazing. The little heart is beating 104 beats per minute. The baby is measuring 3mm right now and it will grow 1mm a day for the next week. By Monday it will be 10mm or one centimeter. Talk about a fast grower.

My estrogen levels were 693 and my progesterone was 3,625. I am still on the patch and the two prometrium a day. We go back to the RE next Monday for another ultrasound and it should look more like a baby next week. We are very close to being released to the OBGYN. That is so exciting.

What's happening with Baby Kruse this week

Week 7


Elbows form - Again, taking a peek inside you could see your baby's fascination with bending and flexing. Later you will swear you can enlist your child as the star of the next "Karate Kid" movie!

Fingers start to develop - These digits often become your baby's first toy!
Feet start to appear with tiny notches for the toes - It is fascinating that at less than a half inch, your little guy (or gal) already is leaving "footprints" on your heart!

Ears eyes and nose start to appear - Although they may resemble an alien life form, these all "shift" soon enough into a more normal appearance.
Intestines start to form in the umbilical cord - Did you know that initially the intestines are not formed inside your baby's body?
Teeth begin to develop under the gums - Thankfully, right now you won't be dealing teething pain!!