One of my proudest moments

Well, my daughter came home from school yesterday eagerly awaiting to hear if she was going to be ab BIG sister again. I knew this was going to be tough and my husband said , " Kayla , I am sorry but it didn't work !" She just stood there in shock and stared at the both of us and gave each of us a hug and said "I am so sorry!" I was being strong and keeping my mind preoccupied all evening between homework, cheer practice and dance class. Well, we were on our way home from dance class and she just looked at me and said " Mom, you don't have to be strong for me. It is OK to cry and to be upset. You lost two babies today and if it was me I would be sad and crying. Mom, I am sad to. I lost two brothers or sisters. Please don;t think you did anything wrong mom. You didn't. It was a rough time and it is not your fault. The hurricane rushed you and you did everything you could. We had extra people here and no power and you just couldn't relax." I just sat there in the car, listening to every word she was saying. Then I started to cry, not because I was sad, but because there sitting beside me was my child, my rock for so many years and through so many tough times in our life telling me exactly what I really needed to hear. She is just a child , 11 years old and so wise beyond her years. She said, " Mom, I really think you should try one more time. I just know in my heart it is going to work out next time. Will you at least think about it? I would be so happy if you would try one more time." I know that as a parent I must have done something right. Who at that young of an age understands what we as moms trying to have a baby struggle and go through ups and downs and then tells us it is going to be alright? I am so proud of her and my husband and I for raising such a kind child. She assured me I was strong and I have been through worse , not to give up hope.
After she went to bed last night, I just laid there and thought of the words she said. It brought me to tears and I am so unbelievably proud of her and of myself for raising such a wonderful child...and thankful to God that he gave her to me in the first place. =)

Negative Beta Today

We got our results this morning. Not the news I wanted to hear, but I just had that feeling. I just felt like they rushed the whole thing and in the bottom of my stomach it was not the right timing. It is what it is you know. I also am upset because they told me on the day of my transfer that the remaining embies would be watched after and that we would get a call on day 3 and day 5 to let us know the progress. We were assured that someone would stay with the embies until the hit blastocyst stage and then they would freeze them. Well, they never did call. On Friday we finally got in touch with them and they told me we had 14 left. I took that to mean that we had 14 to reach blastocyst stage. Today we find out that is not the case. The froze them all on day 2. The never even got to the blastocyst stage. They want me to do a natural cycle next month and when it is time to do the egg transfer (3 days before the transfer) they are going to thaw them and let the get to blastocyst stage. I asked are they able to make it thru the thawing process since they are day 2 embies. She has assured me that they have as good a chance as any other day 5 embie. I am not sure I believe that with all that has gone on up to date. I am not trying to sound negative, I just feel let down. She also told my husband that they only do a day 2 transfer in an emergency and only if they know the couple have at least one more try if it doesn't work. I honestly wish they would have told us that and let us make the decision. If they were going to freeze them any way, freeze them all and get through the hurricane and go from there. So now we are playing the waiting game again. She told me as soon as I get my cycle to call them and then go in for my blood work. I also have an appt Tuesday with the RE to discuss what happened and to get the details of the natural cycyle. She said it would cost an extra $1400 and they are going to try next month. I hope I am ready. I will keep you posted. Trying to remain positive.....

Embryos we transfered

Baby Kruse 1
Baby Kruse 2

We are now 37 hours past the transfer. We have our beta scheduled for Thursday September 11 th. I plan on taking a home pregnancy test on the Saturday before. Keep your fingers crossed.

16 Fertilized

Well, yesterday was my egg retrieval. They got a total of 21 eggs. I just got a phone call from Lisa and out of 21 eggs 16 fertilized. Due to Hurricane Gustav, we are having to due my transfer tomorrow (which is a day 2 transfer). I am a little nervous, but very EXCITED!!! I have to be at the hospital tomorrow morning for 6:30. Pray for a happy transfer and a BIG FAT POSITIVE pregnancy test to follow behind . =)

After the transfer I will be on bedrest so that they will implant.

Egg Retrieval

Well, we went in this morning for my egg retrieval and everything went great! While I was in recovery, the doctor gave Clay a preliminary egg count...... he stopped counting at 18. I am anxiously awaiting the phone call tomorrow to tell me how many eggs fertilized. The nurse gave me my first PIO (progesterone in oil) shot and instructed Clay on how to give them to me. I also started the prednisone and the tetracycline. Praying for good numbers tomorrow. =)

Day 10 of stims

I went in this morning for blood work and an ultrasound. Dr. Taylor said everything looks great (my follies are over 16 mm now) and told me to lower my Menopur to 1 vial (75 IU) and to keep my Lupron the same. I am to discontinue the Follistim. Yeah!! We are down to 2 shots a day!!! He told me I will be triggering with Ovadrel tomorrow night. My egg retrieval will be on Thursday August 28,2008. I have another appointment tomorrow morning.

Day 8 f stims

I went in this morning for another ultrasound and blood work. Good news....I have several follies that are over 14.5 mm already. The ultrasound tech said a lot has been going on in there since Thursday. She also told me that there are more than enough to work with. YEAH! =) I thought that was wonderful news to hear. They instructed me to keep my Lupron the same, lower my Follistim to 75 IU and to keep the Menopur the same at 2 vials. I have another appointment Monday at 10:30. Hopefully we will be ready for retrieval soon. It is so close I can feel it. Keep praying for healthy embryos.